I have two stories about The Puker to share with you. He hasn't puked in two and a half weeks, but he's having a hard time living down his reputation in my mind.
The other day after lunch, some of my boys came out of the boys' bathroom to report to me that there was vomit all over the place in there. You know where my mind immediately flew! I found the fella in line and asked him if he puked in the bathroom. The Puker looked at me incredulously and said, "No!" Sorry, buddy. It was wrong of me to even fathom it was you. Ahem.
Yesterday, I picked the kids up from lunch and scanned the table for The Puker, as has become my habit. I need to see if his tray is full of puke, if he looks like he's gonna hurl, or maybe if he's fled to the heath office. No sign of The Puker. This can't be good. I asked the kids where he was and they said something. The lunchroom is loudish and I didn't catch their mumbles, so I assumed he went to the health office.
On our way down the hall I popped my head in the health office. Nope, no Puker there.
I sent my kids on their way with Suzanne while I went to the office to see if he had early dismissal. Nope, not that either.
Now, I'm feeling a little panicky. I usually don't lose any children in the course of the day. I decide he must surely be in the bathroom in the lunchroom. Once I reach my kids at the end of the hall I tell Very Responsible Boy to go in the lunchroom bathroom to see if The Puker is in there. Very Responsible Boy gives me a very puzzled look at says, "Mrs. Robinson, The Puker is absent today."
I knew that.
Carry on, then.