Me: What do you mean?
G: The toenails are all gross, like a bird was pecking at them.
Me: Oh, I was picking at them last night. The other foot is fine.
G: (Checks out the other foot). These are too.
Me: Oh, I was picking at those the other day.
G: If I sent you to get a pedicure right now, you'd be embarrassed.
Me: (nonplussed) I'm always embarrassed when I get a pedicure. (I have the driest heels and lack of foot pampering ever!)
G: You'd really be embarrassed this time. You need to take care of yourself. How will I ever marry you off?
Me: I thought you wanted to keep me. That's what you say.
G: Well, if I can get a good price...maybe someone has a nice dowery for you.
Me: Yeah, three pigs and a cow.
G: That won't be acceptable.
Me: That's all he's got.