dear pizza delivery dude

Listen buddy, I made an agonizing choice to order pizza for the family tonight. We're supposed to be saving money, but it's been a looong week. Rather than subject everyone to potluck (you know - what the kids call the fend for yourself night) and be happy with a bowl of fruit loops, I decided to order them a hot meal. Then when I ordered online the nice internet order screen said it would be an hour before you'd be here. 

An hour? You must have been busy because usually it's half an hour. 

Then you came early.

So when I opened the door and said, "hang on" while I ran to get the money you could have been a little more patient. You were early. Did you not think I heard your gargantuan sigh as I rounded the corner, but before you could see me? Did you not know my husband was sitting in the living room and could hear you too? And when you hand me my change, do you think you could force a little smile after I just gave you a tip on top of that outrageous delivery fee? It's the least you could do. Didn't your mamma teach you any manners?

Listen buddy, the extra one minute it took me to run to the other room to get money is not going to hurt your on-road average. I'm certain of it. It's not like you work for FedEx or anything. You deliver pizza for goodness sake!

Oh, and another thing. Next time I order a cheese pizza with extra cheese, don't tilt it while you wait for the money and let the cheese start to slide off. That's just lazy and wrong.

Sincerely,

The Lady-who-should-have-just-had-cereal-afterall